Posted by: Admin | October 4, 2010

Feel the Fear

Given that the sub-conscious mind, rather like an iceberg, is rumoured to comprise 90% of the psyche, it seems sensible to incorporate ritual and symbolism into life on occasion. Merely saying that you feel calm, or confident is one thing, performing some kind of ritual such as counting to ten before you lose your temper, for example, is another.

Six months ago I made a conscious decision to seek change in my life. I’d had one of those periods we all experience in life that had left me feeling tired and worn down and, on occasion, clinically depressed. How to change?

There are certain things over which we have no control. The only power we have is to choose how to react. Sometimes we are too tired and battered to recognise that we have any power left, but as the queen of affirmations, Louise Hay, famously said, “the power is in the present moment” and I happen to believe in that as solidly as others might hold religious belief. Effective change can only ever come from within.

So I sat down and thought about what I perceived to be the cause of my discontent, what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and what was holding me back. I wrote out a list of negative emotions, such as “guilt”, “fear”, “self-doubt” and a list of positive feelings such as “confidence” and “self-belief”.

I then invited some girlfriends for supper and and couple of bottles of wine and set up a “Bonfire of the Vanities”. We each picked blind three “negative” words and three “positive” from a bag, then burned the negative in the garden incinerator with positive intent. (The last is important – you have to really mean it!)

It was only a bit of fun, but it was truly cathartic. Imagine my horror, then, when I checked the incinerator the following morning, and found this staring back at me?

self-doubt, spookily unscathed

A pile of ash with “self-doubt”, barely singed, sitting on the top. WTF? I can tell you that I experienced an icy thrill of horror pass through me, swiftly followed by pure rage. Running for the matches, I proceeded to make sure that sucker burned to dust!

I thought of my nemesis, self-doubt, this weekend as I prepared to enter my final week of paid employment. It has no room in my psyche now and I’m keeping the metaphorical matches at the ready. Nevertheless, I know it’s lurking…

What (if anything!) holds you back?

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Responses

  1. how hilarious!!! That’s spooky and really makes you think! Perhaps the bonfire gave you a second chance to see that this was the hardest one to get rid of – and forced you to REALLY burn it the next day! Will be expecting lots of confidence from now on – just keep a picture of that bonfire in your head if you start to doubt yourself again! Go girl!!! Ax

  2. The fact that I managed to pick out “self-doubt” was spooky enough, the rest freaked me out, to be frank! 🙂


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