Posted by: Admin | March 3, 2011


Did you know that you can now practice your faith in cyberspace? Seriously, if you want to pray, there’s an app for that.

Muslim? “iPray” (iPhone, £2.39) will point you in the direction of Mecca wherever you might be, and list the prayer times for certain cities.

Catholic? Keep track of your sins by noting them down in the password-protected “Confession: A Roman Catholic App” (iPad, iPhone, £1.19). You can then work through the sacrament of confession.

Repentance at your fingertips – our culture of instant gratification taken to the next level.

It got me thinking: what else could we delegate to our phones? Send me your suggestions! Here are a few of mine:

  • We already have television ads that show parents reading tots bedtime stories using film phones. How about: “Send your kid a hug by text!”
  • If you give your elderly father an iPad, he could prop it up at the table at mealtimes – make him feel like he’s part of the family. This has the added advantage of not having to put up with him farting in the armchair all afternoon and, if he starts boring on about… well, anything, you can switch him off.
  • An app that schedules your sex life could be useful. Couples could send each other alerts – “it’s the third Tuesday of the month, dear: don’t forget to wax your moustache.”
  • And for couples trying for a baby, you could have an app that signals ovulation (there’s already one to measure your heart rate – “Instant Heart Rate” iPhone 59p) It could have a feature whereby the prospective father is sent an alarm call – “I need you ready for action: now! (Before my next meeting)”

Ah, modern life. We can now browse the art galleries and museums of the world without leaving the house: “Art Authority” iPad £5.99 has a searchable virtual gallery of western artists. You can visit the Louvre and MOMA in New York for free, and, if you actually decide to physically travel, you can book a train, check currency conversions and, for a fee, download those chunky travel guide books onto something that is less chunky.

Progress always has it’s upsides and it’s downsides, doesn’t it? If you’ve been scratching your head through this post, don’t let the dross obscure the usefulness, the convenience and the sheer fun that this technology has to offer. Conversely, if this post has reminded you that you haven’t had your daily game of angry birds, come on already – get a life! 😉


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